Stars: Elizabeth Mitchell, Morris Chestnut, Joel Gretsch, Logan Huffman, Laura Vandervoort, Morena Baccarin, Scott Wolf, Charles Mesure
Writer: Cameron Litvack, Gregg Hurwitz
Director: Jeff Woolnough
Network: ABC, airs Tuesday nights
Original Telecast: March 1, 2011

Maybe I’ve been wanting V to turn itself around so badly,  that I completely overlooked how campy it’s become.

With “Uneasy Lies the Hand”, the show has somehow devolved into a silly soap opera with hokey dialogue, ridiculous reaction shots and a wholly unbelievable romantic hook-up that was worth it only to see Elizabeth Mitchell (who plays FBI agent Erica Evans) undressed and sporting a pretty sexy black bra.

With any on-going mythology, characters inevitably change, but it’s very perplexing how fast Evans is changing her philosophies now that she’s the leader of the Fifth Column – particularly when it comes to collateral damage (and her unhinged libido), which is clouding her better judgement.

She stated she was going to rule the Fifth Column differently than her predecessor, but she’s not and she’s become a different person in two short weeks. Yes, growth is great in a TV show, but this kind of gigantic leap flies in the face of everything we’ve learned about her character the entire run of the series. Sure, she’s going to be hardened by what’s going on, but not at the expense of her soul (or is that the point?)

Regardless, Evans and the Fifth Column realize they need to break into a science lab to steal an untested virus and infect some of the DNA test subjects Anna (Morena Baccarin) is bringing aboard her ship.

She’s extracting the best DNA from earthlings, so she can impregnate earthlings in order to create a master race.

Hokey drama with Tyler (Logan Huffman) arises when he witnesses his girlfriend Lisa (Laura Vandervoort) making out with another test subject. He gets into a fight, and the guy collapses (but it’s due Anna tampering with his body chemistry, not some fistfight he engaged in). Can we kill this character off now. Tyler is the most annoying teenager on network TV (and that includes anything currently airing on the CW).

There’s some nonsense with Diana (Jane Badler, who, yes, is still standing in the basement doing NOTHING) who tells Lisa she has another loyal follower on the ship – so tell him she’s still alive. Meanwhile, Ryan (Morris Chestnut) is still roaming around the ship trying to get some time with his daughter – even after they killed him.

And by the way – the aliens are a supreme race with super-technology, yet they have THE WORST security aboard their ships. They’re able to extract human DNA to make super DNA, but they can’t find Ryan roaming around? He’s the only African-American on an alien ship consisting of 99% Caucasian aliens? Really? You can’t find him? And where are the security cameras? Where are the kill-bots? And they can’t figure out Erica Evans is working with the Fifth Column by now? For an advanced race, they are incredibly stupid and trusting – and could have avoided practically all the attacks by the Fifth Column by just firing up a simple web-cam to weed out the moles and their enemies.

As for the rest of the plot, the plan by the Fifth Column fails (yes, the aliens do realize that a virus was planted, so they were savvy enough to stop that), but the Fifth Column do get one bonus. They get Anna to admit in public that the Fifth Column is still active and very much alive.

Erica also has hot sex with fellow Fifth Column mercenary Kyle (Charles Mesure). This is one of the show’s most forced moments – EVER. There has been no chemistry between the two the entire series, and just because the writers say they need to have some hot human sex, doesn’t mean you can throw any two characters together and make it work. Plus, it seems like Father Jack (Joel Gretsch) was actually jealous that Erica was into Kyle. Ugh. Really, we’re going to throw a forced love triangle into a 10-episode second season run, when there are so many other important plot elements to handle?

Stilted dialogue, Diana still hanging out in the basement, Tyler finally getting injected with super DNA and a rogue Ryan doing basically nothing, result in another wasted V episode. The show is so unfocused and desperate to find a way to engage viewers week to week, it’s lost its own humanity along the way. The show is a shell used to shill silly techno-babble and awkward character relations. It should be more, and certainly in the past few weeks there have been signs of life – but with “Uneasy Lies the Hand”, it’s a major step back. With two weeks to go, I hope this isn’t a harbinger of worse plotting to come.

AGREE? DISAGREE? COMMENT below and let your voice be heard.

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